Rape Survivor to Compete in Florida Miss Plus America Pageant

When you see her sitting proudly in the middle of Café Kili wearing her sparkly pageant crown and shiny sash, you would never guess that Temple Terrace’s Tiffani Barner has been through any tragedy.

She’s a strong, confident, beautiful 39-year-old, who is approachable, polite and well spoken. She said she likes to try new things and meet new people.

But three years ago, someone did something to her that was so horrifying she became an emotional wreck, crying daily and so unable to trust people that she had to quit her job.

“I just shut down,” she said.

Barner is a rape survivor. She dated a man briefly. He was someone she thought she knew. She trusted him.

And then he forced himself on her.

“I was not prepared as a 36-year-old to be attacked and know what to do about it,” she said. “It became too much for me.”

It wasn’t the first time she had been victimized.

Barner and her younger sister were raised by their single mother in Tampa. As a child, Barner suffered inappropriate treatment at the hands of her mother’s boyfriend.

“It started at 9 for me and ended at 12,” she said.

She says she developed quickly, and looked like a woman even though she was still just a girl. She was made to feel that the mistreatment was her own fault because of the natural changes to her body.

“He was someone that was looked upon as my father figure,” she said of the man. “You trust this person.”

Years later, she found out the man had raped her younger sister. Her mother had no idea that the abuse had ever happened.

“When it all came out, it was devastating to her,” Barner said.

So, when she was raped at 36, Barner regressed to the little girl who had been victimized by her father figure. She felt worthless.

“I was crying every day, not able to trust people,” she said.

That’s when she turned to the Crisis Center of Tampa Bay, a facility that helps people deal with the devastating trauma of sexual assault or abuse, domestic violence, financial distress, substance abuse, medical emergency, suicidal thoughts, emotional or situational problems.

All someone in crisis has to do is dial 2-1-1.

“They are there 24/7/365,” Barner said. “Anytime you call, someone’s going to pick up the phone.”

Talking about the Crisis Center has become one of Barner’s passions. She’ll do much of what she loves this weekend when she participates for the first time in the Florida State Miss Plus America Pageant.

“I never ever, ever saw myself in a pageant,” she said.

Barner is the 2013 Ms. Temple Terrace Plus America. She didn’t have to compete for the title, but she will be competing Saturday in Ft. Lauderdale for the title of Ms. Florida Plus America. If she wins, she’ll go on to the national Miss Plus America Pageant in Louisiana in July.

The Miss Plus America Pageant is an organization that celebrates full-figured women. It supports the idea that all women are beautiful inside and out and deserve the chance to promote causes that are important to them.

“I think it’s a tremendous thing to tell plus-size women: You are beautiful,” Barner said.

She was recruited into the pageant in February while exploring another of her passions: Zumba. Barner is a Zumba instructor who teaches classes in New Tampa, Seffner, South Tampa and Riverview. She got into the exercise program after she was raped.

“Zumba is what got me loving me,” she said. “I’m in control of my body. That was my ‘take back’ moment.”

She was teaching Zumba in Tampa when a woman exercising in a sash introduced herself as the 2013 Ms. Tampa Plus America. Two weeks later, Barner entered the pageant.

“The No. 1 thing that really did it for me was speaking about my platform: Stopping violence against women,” Barner said.

After she learned about the Crisis Center of Tampa Bay three years ago, Barner began going to workshops the organization hosts for survivors. The first event she participated in was the center’s inaugural Voices of Strength at Sacred Grounds.

Voices of Strength is an annual event hosted by the Crisis Center in collaboration with the Sexual Violence Task Force.

“That event is all about empowering survivors by expressing themselves artistically,” she said.

This year, the center released a Voices of Strength Empower CD that features a compilation of music, songs and spoken word provided by survivors.

“I’m track six,” Barner said, proudly.

Her contribution is a spoken word poem that she wrote called “I Am.”

“It kind of touches on rape culture,” she said. Read it here.

She has also spoken at Take Back the Night, an interactive Crisis Center event that creates awareness, empowers survivors and educates the community about sexual violence.

The men that victimized Barner were never arrested. A state attorney determined there wasn’t enough evidence against her mother’s boyfriend, and Barner never reported her rape.

“I was threatened, and just really, really scared,” she said.

She found support in her family, friends and the Crisis Center.

“Their motto is ‘Help, Hope and Healing,’” Barner said of the center. “The three H’s is what I hold in my heart. Today, I do believe that I’m worth something and that I have a purpose.

“I think my gift of wanting to help people was God-given to me, and I’m so excited to talk about it at the pageant.”

Barner, who arrived in Ft. Lauderdale for the pageant Thursday, said she is ready to go. Her outfits are prepared and organized. She’s practiced walking, smiling, giving her introduction speech and answering questions.

“I never thought of myself as a beauty queen,” she said. “This has been an awesome journey.”

And even if she doesn’t gain the title, she said she’s still a winner.

“I’m going to still talk about my platform and make people aware,” she said. “And since I got this crown and sash, it’s going to be used. After this, the sky’s the limit.”

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Interested in taking Barner’s Zumba classes? Here’s her schedule:

Sundays

• 12 p.m., Zumba at Ladies’ Fitness Riverview, 10621 Tucker Jones Road, Riverview

Mondays

• 6 p.m., Zumba at Dan Wall Fitness Studios, 4007 W. Kennedy Blvd., Tampa

Tuesdays

• 4 p.m., Zumbatomic at Tampa Palms Golf & Country Club, 5811 Tampa Palms Blvd., Tampa

• 7:15 p.m., Zumba at Salon J, 12025 E U.S. Hwy. 92, Seffner

Wednesdays

• 7:15 p.m., Zumba at Tampa Bay MindSpa Wellness Center, 3805 S. Westshore Blvd., Tampa

Find more information online.

See also:

• Giving Back in the Community: Crisis Center of Tampa Bay
• Rape Culture: Does America Have One?