This is my first summer break as a parent. The first time my kids are off from school for the summer, and by “school” I mean the free Voluntary Pre-Kindergarten program that is paid for by the state. (Did you know they did that? Paid for 4-year-olds to go to school three hours a day, 5 days a week?)

I am pretty excited.

No schedule. No having to put the kids in clean clothes. No having to look decent in the morning for the benefit of others. No brushing teeth … wait, forget that last one.

There is just one tiny thing I wish was different. I mean, I am about to do summers off with my kids for the next 14 years, right? So I can complain a little. (If you are my husband and you are reading this: Honey, I’m just exaggerating for the audience. I swear I’ll have a full time job before 2026.) What I wish for is that instead of summer break, in Florida, we did winter break.

Wouldn’t that be awesome?

Two months off in February and March. The schools keep the air conditioning on all winter anyways, so it wouldn’t affect the power bill. I bet they could even go solar.

Imagine going to the beach every day for lunch, and spring training games in the evening. Imagine going to Busch Gardens and not having to jump into the hippo tank by 10:30 a.m. What the crocodile is in here also but…..AHHHHH! Imagine taking a long bike ride on the Pinellas Trail without having heat stroke.

Now, who do I talk to to get this accomplished? Do stay-at-home mothers have a lobby group? I bet teachers who labor for 14 hours a day, get paid for 6½ and who don’t get to see the sunlight in the wintertime would back my idea.

I understand that changing summer break to winter break would be pointless legislation, a waste of time, a waste of money, and it mostly only benefits the select few, but isn’t that what all new legislation is about? Helping some outliers.

We just need the right person to spin this the most efficient way. I’m sure some politically-minded activist, who loves Florida spring training, can wrap this up with the obesity epidemic: It is too hot for the required 60 minutes of play. Or as a way to help the tourism industry: Florida residents will pack struggling hotels. Or as a way to prevent some of the 46 deaths a year from heat stroke that may or may not be caused by our summer sports camps: It is for the safety of our children.

Here is my pledge, if you are willing to do this one little thing for me, I will switch to whatever political party you are affiliated with. Unless it is the Republican Party, because I believe in the right of our evolutionary brother-apes to bear arms. And not the Democratic Party, because I don’t believe in unwanted sauerkraut. Not the United States Pirate Party, because pirates are only fun in storybooks. Not the Green Party, because they are so pro-choice they will help you abort yourself, and not the Tea Party, because I prefer coffee. I could never join The Procrastination Party, because (note to self: don’t forget to finish procrastination joke.) But besides those, I’ll switch to any party. (Except the Independents, they are such followers.)

If winter break was enacted, imagine what could happen. Maybe breathing fresh air instead of filtered AC (note to self: Change AC filters) would improve the minds of our young Florida residents. Test scores would improve, Saturday Night Live would stop making fun of us (between that and losing Kristen Wiig, the show will flop), Florida parents could once again name their sons Chad and we would no longer be the most idiotic state in the Union.

Plus most importantly, I wouldn’t have to worry about exposing my deliciously white wrinkly thighs in the Florida heat.

If you want to join my cause, click "Like" on Pen Name Jane's Facebook page.